These three words

You know how it is when you think that you're over something because you haven't had to deal with it in a while. Then the first time it comes up, you realize that it's still an issue. I had one of those moment today.

We've been talking for about 3 or 4 months now and I can't say that I have any complaints, except I don't know where he would ultimately like to see things go. Anyway, as we're completing our conversation, he goes "love ya, babe" and I'm sitting there with this blank stare on my face...for a couple of different reasons. One, I question whether we know each other well enough for him to say that and sincerely mean it. Secondly, after LNH, I vowed that next person that got those words out of me would be my husband. (Which reminds me that I need to ask Bishop who gave him the impression that I fall in love easily since I've only really loved 2 men in my 31 years) I digress.

Anyway, when he said it, I felt happy sad and afraid, all at the same time. Happy because I really do care for him. Sad because I know he could mean it in a friendly way, at the most. And afraid because I always end up disappointed by the people who use those words. He explained that he did mean it in a freindly manner but was disappointed that I was someone distraut about him saying it. Rightfully so, he questioned how I allow my past to effect the progression of things between us. Admittedly, I had no valid answer other than that was never my intention.

I'm still not sure if I'm ready to exchange those words only because I hold them in an extremely high regards. I believe that when you say that to someone, you have to be prepared to do all the things that come along with it. I have found that people are quick to tell you that they love you but then when you need them, they can't be found. Or when you do behave or do things the way they want, their love goes out the door. I say, if you love me, let your actions speak much louder than your words. Its the acts of kindess that I display to those that I care about that should "speak" multitudes. Then my words only reinforce what my actions have already shown.

I love you